Rewards of Daring

There are many times when I just don't feel like trying and it's honestly because I don't feel like dealing with the possibility/probability of failure. Then at other times, I press on despite my fears, hesitations, misgivings, etc. and it doesn't work out and I wind up feeling like a failure or wind up the bad guy/sucky guy in someone else's eyes.

But sometimes it works out!

The truth about the world I inhabit as a clown and improvisor is that I can't afford to pay too much credence to the doubts. The truth is that if I don't jump, I won't ever fly. Falling sucks, but damn, do I like to fly! Most of all, I like to have people there to witness it. I flew a little bit today. Okay, I glided. But I didn't fall!

A couple of years ago at a clown festival in Shanghai (to which I've not been invited back, which to me means I stunk) I did this bit with a microphone on an elastic cord. I liked the idea and have ever since, but I've not been able to make it a longer piece or even set the beats. After much fretting and hesitation I decided I'd use it as my second solo piece in the Circus World Museum circus show. Up until the spot came up in the rehearsal, I didn't have an ending and I openly admitted it to the director and the music director. The gag was short and simple and basic in premise. The ending was just resigning to abject failure.

The Russian kid laughed some and afterwards in my trailer as I was tweaking the foot pedal for my one-man-band rig – a very basic, first draft rig – he was outside entertaining me with his mimicry of it. If a circus kid likes it, that tends to be a positive thing. The only prop modification is to find supplies to make the bungee longer and to carve another plug for the end that looks more like a microphone plug.

It's not longer than a couple of minutes, but it's got legs now. It very well may be a gag that I have in my pocket that will have to always change aside form the premise. However, I'm glad I did it, found the little success, and accepted the support given me by the musician's improvisation and openness, the director/ringmaster, and the little Russian boy.

And now, I have ideas to spice it up a little. I just need to be patient now. I'll get my chance again after this weekend is done. And I'll have time to prepare – and hopefully to fly.